How To Be A “Good Writer” (Based On Eighteen Years Of Trying)

“Do you ever feel like writing… is just too damn hard? Sign up to my £3,000 a month subscription pack and I’ll send leaflets, great advice AND magical little elves that’ll do your work for you to your doorstep! Oh, and you’ll earn BILLIONS OF POUNDS! EVERY DAY! It’s easy!” … Yes, that’s bullshit. I was playing the…

Donate a novel to your darling

Have you ever had one of those moments, where you’ve had a friend in need and really wanted to help, but weren’t quite sure how? Perhaps you’ve picked up the phone to your friend in question to find that they’re blubbing maniacally, in fits because their puppy ran away/ate a cable and had to go…

Why I Am A Shit Writer: I Love “Fat” & Tolkein Is My Idol

I am a shit writer, and writing novels is hard. These are two things that I’m sure of – and that’s a statement which should not be read lightly, as I’m not a person who is often sure about things. I’m not sure how to spell “millennium” without autocorrect (a tiny contributor to my being a shit writer……

A Requiem for the Art of Reading and a Call to Action

One of my chiefest worries as a writer myself is you – the reader. Sure, a great degree of the point in my writing anything at all is just because I love to do it – I’m well aware that many of these articles are probably just swooping out into the ether, uncaught and sort…

A Discourse on Dragons as Human

Is there something inherently dragon-like about people, or people-like about dragons? The reason I ask this is because dragons are unarguably becoming more popular, and with this rise in popularity our interpretations of them are evolving. Let’s talk about Skyrim. The human-as-dragon connotation could not be more obvious as you, the principle character, are literally…

Why is there a Penis in Everything?

Why is there a penis in everything? In the literary world you cannot interpret two lines of text without stumbling across something that critics will positively insist is a ghostly penis. That bin? A penis. That cat? A meowing penis. That island in the distance? Probably the nib of a giant’s penis. No, the curtains…

The Curious Incident of the Girl in the Fright-Time

“The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time” will forever be one of my absolute favourite books for a medley of reasons,  two outstanding. The first is that the story itself is wonderfully witty, original and clever (all fairly good reasons to enjoy a novel, wouldn’t you agree)? The second – and most importantly…

Bridget Jones’s Silver Linings

There is nothing quite so satisfying as indulging in a really cheesy guilty pleasure from time to time (no innuendo intended – I mean “cheesy” in its purest metaphorical form). Sometimes, it is almost an obligation to reconnect with what is socially cringeworthy. Which is why, last night, I found myself reading Bridget Jones’s Diary….