Things that sound infinitely better when said by the French (hi, Dad)

There are just some things that sound BETTER when said by a French person. Fact. Exhibit A: A French man.  No, I’m not talking about your bog standard “French” phrases, such as “voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir” (“do you want to sleep with me tonight”, popularised massively by the 2001 smash hit, Moulin…

The New Year, genital pancakes and incredibly obvious advice from Yours Truly

Many of you are transfixed by Christmas right now, which is obviously fine. I totally see the merits in Christmas. You get to sit around with your family, eat too much (with a justified excuse) and remember, nostalgically, that one night you definitely heard Santa on the roof, creeping round: everybody’s favourite generous, fat, alcoholic…

Donate a novel to your darling

Have you ever had one of those moments, where you’ve had a friend in need and really wanted to help, but weren’t quite sure how? Perhaps you’ve picked up the phone to your friend in question to find that they’re blubbing maniacally, in fits because their puppy ran away/ate a cable and had to go…

The games that almost wrecked my family growing up

It’s 10pm in the Demaude household. Everything is silent. This is not good. The Demaudes are famously known for being a family of nocturnes and rebels, who consistently ignore the rule that you shouldn’t eat cheese before bedtime (consequentially none of us go to bed, as we’ve all suffered too many nightmares). And it is rarely…

How to make your brain a zen paradise (kind of)

In some situations, I find it pretty hard to relax. There’s not really a measure for what kind of situation will push the internal freak-out button in me, and there doesn’t seem to be any sort of logical correlation between such situations, either. I’m ridiculously impressionable – sometimes, listening to sad or angry music alone…

How to ball like Bueller when you’re bedridden

Sick days used to be the sickest things. You think you’re going to be the next Ferris Bueller, bowling along in great cars with your friends and singing on a float in the middle of a parade. You have visions of lying in bed all day, being fawned over by your family members as they…

Monday morning melancholia: The moody blues and how to vanquish them

When you’re a kid, “grumpiness” is but a distant myth. Long, angry spiels about traffic jams are boring and, whereas adults treat Garfield as an insightful and wise philosopher, kids see him as just weirdly cute (if not a little cruel to dogs). Okay, so he loves lasagne – sure. He has a “slightly” cynical…